so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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