Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize