I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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