he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize