I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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