One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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