I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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