Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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