they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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