just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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