Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize