I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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