oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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