He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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