his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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