Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
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pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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