Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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