allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
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I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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