Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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