No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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