proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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