My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I looked at my own cervix.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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