i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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