so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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