When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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