I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
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