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I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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