Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.

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(419): I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo. http://tfl.nu/f195

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(626): View more from California

Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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(626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf

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(847): View more from Illinois

A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college

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(847): A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college http://tfl.nu/uf6j

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(707): View more from California

You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.

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(707): You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond. http://tfl.nu/h38e

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times

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(330): I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times http://tfl.nu/rqlm

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

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(920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e

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(416): View more from Toronto

You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...

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(416): You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere... http://tfl.nu/u20i

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash

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(857): They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash http://tfl.nu/jeu8

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.

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(919): I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over. http://tfl.nu/red4

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(718): View more from New York

She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.

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(718): She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on. http://tfl.nu/7c2k

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(845): View more from New York

You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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(845): You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this. http://tfl.nu/x8z4

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(541): View more from Oregon

Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?

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(541): Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am? http://tfl.nu/ak1s

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(817): View more from Texas

I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?

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(817): I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join? http://tfl.nu/sbfg

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(954): View more from Florida

You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me

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(954): You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me http://tfl.nu/uohb

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(903): View more from Texas

Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.

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(903): Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell. http://tfl.nu/clzb

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