If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize