I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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