Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
false alarm, still single
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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