I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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