I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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