You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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