I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize