she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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