Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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