Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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