On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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you will always have a special place in my vag
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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