Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There r osticjed everywhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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