how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize