I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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