u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this is an emotional support booty call
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