I cannot find my penis.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
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