her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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