is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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