KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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