My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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