i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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