There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize