so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize