I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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